.png)
[Nicole]
For Nicole
By Yu Fang
Nausea was the first herald - a queasy
Unease - subtle peculiarities
Suffocated, choked
By noxious fumes, disguised it
As anxiety.
Second and third came hand-in-hand - vicious
agony, bulging out from stiffened limbs
Exacerbated
By stress and violent malaise
A coup from within
A hundred changes to daily routine
The fourth, Fatigue, is a disruptive fiend
Understanding comes
Rougher still - accused of Sloth,
A sin falsely gleaned
Can’t jump, can’t run, can’t carry too much weight
So much crossed out on an expanding list
Swallowing colourful pills, I just wished
That one day, this pain could abate.
The medication
Works at a leisurely pace
Oblivious and late
---------------------------------
Five years to nurture gentle empathy
Peers and family, caring and learning
Peanut, Potato
My cute dogs waiting for me
As I stand, aching
I test my limits, I plan my schedules
And the list shortens, just a little bit
Alone, I travel
And meet people, young and old
The freedom is sweet
Hardships are dime-a-dozen for humans
My condition is like any other
In having to deal with the hands we’re dealt
Day-by-day, trying - a little further
Podcasts and Youtube,
The Try Guys are my fav, but
Humour? That’s my bae
Uncertainties and unease still exist
About myself, what I want to do
Yet, as far as what normality is
I’m a regular person, that’s what’s true
Author's Note
​
With the painful inflammation from her condition — Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), Nicole’s life started to change. She needed to plan for activities she once took for granted and challenge the misconceptions surrounding her condition, all while dealing with mental health stressors that plagued her even before she was diagnosed.
But she fought to keep moving forward with her life. She learned how to plan around her condition, and built support systems through addressing misconceptions of RA and other autoimmune diseases. Through all this turbulence, she also kept her desire to travel alive.
As she shared, her challenges in life “it’s no different” from anyone else’s. Everyone, inevitably, must struggle with ups and downs in their lives. She is just another person, dealing with hers.
Through the poem, I wished to portray her experience of living with her condition, but also her firm conviction and willpower. I hope the reader will see a bit of themselves through her, and gain the motivation to surpass or deal with their struggles, as she has.