Motherhood, Lupus, and Me: A Journey of Grace and Grit

"Having a child while navigating health challenges is definitely an arduous undertaking, especially with post-partum hormonal changes along with medication side effects. Most importantly, stay happy - this is the best you can do for your child. Do not pressure yourself!" — Serene Mai

Serene & her family

Hi, I am Serene Mai, a full-time working mother of two children aged 11 and 2, a lupus and kidney disease warrior and a healthcare communication specialist. 

Living with lupus since I was nine years old, the journey has been far from easy. After an operation to remove a harmless cyst on my neck, I suffered a high fever and the classic red "butterfly" rash on my cheeks. It marked the beginning of a long, sometimes tumultuous battle with autoimmune disease that affects every part of my life. Lupus attacked my kidneys, which eventually led to kidney failure that required dialysis and ultimately a transplant. Yet, through all these hurdles, I found purpose and joy in motherhood.

A decade ago, when my husband and I decided to try for a child, I underwent numerous consultations with my rheumatologist and a high-risk obstetrician who were always keeping a close watch on my health. I had to ensure my lupus was in remission, balance medications safely, and navigate a pregnancy marked by anxieties like a high chance of Down Syndrome, low amniotic fluid levels, a hypercoiled umbilical cord, and an aging placenta. Despite these challenges, my daughter was born healthy and safe, though the pregnancy had taken a toll on my kidneys and my chronic kidney disease worsened. A decade later, we successfully conceived a second, after navigating kidney failure, dialysis and transplant. Everything was planned with the pregnancy in mind, once again under the close monitoring of various specialists.

This journey was filled with difficult decisions, stricter regimes, and moments of stress. But what sustained me was my faith and the stories of fellow lupus warriors who manage to lead fulfilling lives and raise happy children. Their resilience reminded me that even amid health struggles, hope persists.

Living with lupus and a kidney transplant has colored every aspect of my life. The medications I take, while vital, sometimes affect my moods — moments I’ve struggled with understanding and patience are met with my children’s innocent grace. My older daughter’s heartfelt cards and her gestures remind me of what truly matters. My little one’s innocent smiles brighten my day and remind me why I fight so hard every day. Even though my life has had its ups and downs for the past three decades, I am glad to have stories to tell my children. If anything, my story has taught them what it means to be resilient through life's challenges. I believe in not "wasting" our suffering - to use our sickness for good - and I hope that they will learn to see challenges in a positive light.

Motherhood, with all its ups and downs, has taught me profound lessons about grace, resilience, and unconditional love. It’s a journey of learning that self-care is not selfish — especially during moments when your health requires extra attention. Beyond my day job, I make time for yoga and spend time with friends - activities that nurture my mental wellbeing and give me a sense of peace amidst the chaos. When my health took a dive after my kidneys failed, I took a career break during the pandemic and rediscovered my passion in art. This inadvertently led to a home-based business which not only provided an income but nourished my soul, while providing encouragement for others. It was the most unforgettable and meaningful period in my life despite the suffering.

To all mothers navigating health challenges: your strength, bravery, and boundless love inspire us all, every single day. If your journey resonates with mine, please remember this: you are doing more than enough. Allow yourself the rest you need, and practice more self-love and self-care. Although children can be a handful at times, they are truly gifts from heaven and they change us for the better in so many ways!